Five ‘life tips’ to ignore (and what to do instead)
Social media (and well-meaning friends and family) often flood us with guidance on how to live life successfully. While some of this is useful, many of these “secrets to success” can actually be quite destructive. Here’s how to sort the helpful from the hogwash…
Many of us tend to look for silver bullets – those single easy fixes that will help them solve all the problems. From curated Instagram pages to the self-help manuals lining airport book shops, there always seems to be some guidance for picking yourself up by your bootstraps (which is not possible) or living the ‘hustle’ culture 24-7 (which is unhealthy).
However, just as we are all different, there is no easy way to sum up success for everyone. Think of yourself on your deathbed – will you be happy about a life dedicated to the ‘rise and grind’? That’s why it’s often best to take advice with a grain of salt.
And if you really, absolutely still want to know the five habits of highly successful people, scroll to the bottom of this article*.
- Don’t win friends and influence people
Treating people as you would like to be treated is a pretty good rule to follow. And humans are pretty good at detecting inauthenticity, especially when there is something to be gained. If you look at everyone as a potential stepping stone on your route to success, you’re likely to find yourself lacking the village that everyone needs to get through hard times.
…but do practice empathy and respect.
Instead, stop and listen to the people around you. Try to think about what they might need or want and how you can help them. Before long, you will see that real relationships are more powerful than lucrative deals.
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- Don’t start a big garden…
Here’s a practical one for you (although it could also be metaphorical). If you think you’ll save money on groceries by starting a big garden, there’s an even bigger chance of disappointment in the future. Unless you’re a real green thumb with excellent soil and plenty of time and space on your hands, a big garden filled with different crops is generally unmanageable and a real money sink.
…but do start a small one.
A garden bed with a few of your favourite, easy-to-grow and most used vegetables and herbs is likely to be an achievable goal – and one that brings you plenty of joy and a sense of accomplishment. Once a small garden is established, you can also start saving seeds, which will save money for the next harvest.
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- Don’t fake it until you make it…
This advice can work in some very specific contexts if you’re naturally a confident person and can navigate any abrupt career or personal developments. On the most part though, pretending to know what you’re doing is unlikely to lead to real success. Most of the time you’ll be found out and others will avoid you.
…but do take advantage of free learning and guidance.
Your best bet is to approach a new skill with an eagerness to learn and a sense of humbleness. Watch and take notice when someone is very good at something. Ask how they got where they are and jump on any chance to learn from them. Upskill yourself through online or night classes, if possible, and always be ready to learn.
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- Don’t simply ‘stay positive’…
While having a generally positive outlook on life is helpful, it can be easier said than done, especially when life is busy and multi-layered. Usually, those who tell you to stay positive mean well. But it’s not possible (or healthy) to be happy all the time.
…but do notice when you’re unhappy (and do something about it).
Acknowledging feelings when they surface is the first step in finding a way to solve problems. For example, if you feel generally unhappy at work, realising this and putting thought into change will be more helpful than grinning your way through each day.
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- Don’t pursue perfection
Despite appearances, nobody really has it all worked out. Even the most toned, successful, rise-and-grinder on social media has problems in their life. The perfect human is an oxymoron – imperfections maketh the person.
…but do keep things in balance
As Oscar Wilde once said, “Everything in moderation, including moderation.” Try to get a good amount of sleep every night and don’t forget to drink some water but also get out there and have some fun. While you don’t need to be so strict on your diet that you feel deprived, it’s still very important to provide your body with the nutrients it needs. Getting a bit of exercise will make you feel better, but you don’t have to be a gym bunny if that’s not in your nature.
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With so many different influencers and brands trying to fix something about you, it can be easy to be manipulated into unhappiness or discontent. So it’s always best to avoid living your life against the unrealistic standards and empty slogans.
* Five habits of highly successful people: yachting, polo, skiing, dinner parties, shopping.
